Tuesday, July 20, 2010
stressed....
Stress has caused me to loss my focus. I have gotten myself in a funk and have allowed the circumstances around me to interfere with me staying focused on my goals. So much of my life is out of control right now...my eating is one of them. I feel like life is so overwhelming most of the time lately and not knowing what is going to happen is driving me crazy. It has turned into me eating things I know I shouldn't. I am looking to food to help sooth my nerves and give me a sense of what is normal or should I say what was normal in the past. I need a sense of renewal I guess or I just need to go back to what I was doing. I think I need to start writing down what I am eating again so that I will be accountable for what I am doing. I think I am also going to check out Zumba. I am hoping I really like it. Hopefully I can put my big girl panties on and just deal with life as it comes...no matter how scary that is.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
The payoff and determination!!!
I am thrilled to say I have reached my first major goal. My first major goal at my doctor's office was for me to lose 42 pounds. I have met that goal and have kept going. I have little goals of losing at least 10-12 pounds per a doctors visit but the nurse set my first goal for 42 pounds. My doctor's appt isn't till the 15th so it feels good to have met it before the appt. It feels so good to have met this goal. Of course I know I have a long way to go but today is definitely a win.
I think in some ways it has kind of renewed my commitment to eating healthy and being healthy. No more eating things I know I am not supposed to, I am going to work out at least 5 times this week, and back to drinking water. I still haven't had soda but have been drinking sugar free juices. I am "allowed" to drink them but I haven't been drinking water like I am supposed to. I refuse to let anything get in the way of it this week. I refuse to let the stress of what is going on around me affect my eating habits this week. Hope other's will join me this week. Let me know and we can support each other through it.
I think in some ways it has kind of renewed my commitment to eating healthy and being healthy. No more eating things I know I am not supposed to, I am going to work out at least 5 times this week, and back to drinking water. I still haven't had soda but have been drinking sugar free juices. I am "allowed" to drink them but I haven't been drinking water like I am supposed to. I refuse to let anything get in the way of it this week. I refuse to let the stress of what is going on around me affect my eating habits this week. Hope other's will join me this week. Let me know and we can support each other through it.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Fears...
Fears...I think I have ALLOW/ed fear to rule my life. From my fear of Lauren dying to being truly happy with myself, fear controls most things I do in life. I'm so afraid of all the what-ifs that I have decided to let life pass me by. So much of my life I stood in the "background" ...not standing out...not succeeding in what I really wanted. It is sad to be 31 and know what my passion in life is but also not to follow it in a professional manner. My fear is what happens if I fail. I have already decided before I even started that I will fail. Such a sad thing. That thought process doesn't make sense and needs to be changed. I hope I have/will encourage my kids to have the courage to do what they are truly passioniate about.
I know this may sound weird but I think what I fear the most is success. I think I self-sabotage b/c I am afraid of what would happen if I succeeded. What would life be like? Would I truly be happy then? What would happen if I did all that work and still didn't look the way I wanted? I know my perfectionism sometimes takes over my rational thinking. I know this doesn't make sense but I am so afraid that I will not look the way I want to. I have this idea of what I want to look like and be able to wear. Not sure if this is a good thing or not. At times I will tell myself 40 pounds is good enough. I need to stop that way of thinking. 40 pounds was a short term goal. It wasn't/isn't my long term goal. It is a great thing that I lost 40 pounds but I deserve the other 70 pounds. I deserve to walk into any store put on a pair of jeans and not feel like I look like a cow in them. I also think that most of who I am is so entangled with being overweight that the fear of not knowing who I am without the weight is somewhat scary. No one wants to be describe as the "overweight girl" or the "big girl" but it becomes so much of who we are that it becomes a part of us. I think letting go of that person and staying focused on my goals will help.
I think it is of the upmost importance to have a goal. A defined goal of what I want but more importantly what I need. I need to be healthy for my kids sake. I need to be 100% for them. but I also need to realize I need to be 100% for me. I need to realize that I am worth it and I deserve it. I think for so long I have thought that I didn't deserve to be happy. I don't know where this thought process came from but it isn't founded in truth. I honestly want to let go of the negative thinking and self-sabotage.
I think before I started all this, I didn't realize how much positive thinking would impact my success. To be perfectly honest I didn't understand why people did positive affirmations. I thought it was a little silly. BUT it has really helped me keep going when exercising. When I wanna give up and stop b/c it hurts I tell myself I can do this and I will succeed. I know it sounds silly but pushing myself has made me feel better. It definitely boosts your esteem when you succeed at what you are doing and don't give up. I have to believe I can do this or I will convince myself not to. I WILL CONVINCE myself that I am not worth it. I have the power to decide if I succeed or if I fail..no one else. Today and everyday I have to decide that I am worth it.
I know this may sound weird but I think what I fear the most is success. I think I self-sabotage b/c I am afraid of what would happen if I succeeded. What would life be like? Would I truly be happy then? What would happen if I did all that work and still didn't look the way I wanted? I know my perfectionism sometimes takes over my rational thinking. I know this doesn't make sense but I am so afraid that I will not look the way I want to. I have this idea of what I want to look like and be able to wear. Not sure if this is a good thing or not. At times I will tell myself 40 pounds is good enough. I need to stop that way of thinking. 40 pounds was a short term goal. It wasn't/isn't my long term goal. It is a great thing that I lost 40 pounds but I deserve the other 70 pounds. I deserve to walk into any store put on a pair of jeans and not feel like I look like a cow in them. I also think that most of who I am is so entangled with being overweight that the fear of not knowing who I am without the weight is somewhat scary. No one wants to be describe as the "overweight girl" or the "big girl" but it becomes so much of who we are that it becomes a part of us. I think letting go of that person and staying focused on my goals will help.
I think it is of the upmost importance to have a goal. A defined goal of what I want but more importantly what I need. I need to be healthy for my kids sake. I need to be 100% for them. but I also need to realize I need to be 100% for me. I need to realize that I am worth it and I deserve it. I think for so long I have thought that I didn't deserve to be happy. I don't know where this thought process came from but it isn't founded in truth. I honestly want to let go of the negative thinking and self-sabotage.
I think before I started all this, I didn't realize how much positive thinking would impact my success. To be perfectly honest I didn't understand why people did positive affirmations. I thought it was a little silly. BUT it has really helped me keep going when exercising. When I wanna give up and stop b/c it hurts I tell myself I can do this and I will succeed. I know it sounds silly but pushing myself has made me feel better. It definitely boosts your esteem when you succeed at what you are doing and don't give up. I have to believe I can do this or I will convince myself not to. I WILL CONVINCE myself that I am not worth it. I have the power to decide if I succeed or if I fail..no one else. Today and everyday I have to decide that I am worth it.
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